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Updates?| | what in the world am I up too...
Hello Xanga world!!! It's been a while I have not been paying much attention in this site nor blog constantly. No worries so long as Xanga remain alive will be forever devote myself to this site even if one or two or none would read my blogs. With all other popular people connection sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Multiply, Myspace, etc., etc., clouded the subscription number. Make no mistake Xanga, I will remain loyal! hahaha
So...what have I been up to in my life? Well, the past two years has been really great with tons of ups and downs. In 2008 was a depressing year for me unlike this year of 2009 it has been more of a blessing personally. Lots of blessings. Okay, totally random...I want to begin from last years events in a chronological form as possible.
what a mess...
Beginning of last year was very hard for me to swallow because I met a girl who I thought "is" the "one". I must say that I fell on the trap because it turns out that it was a rebound. Don't get me wrong, she's a great person and I admire her hardworking effort in regards to her career. She is a very well stable and bright. Make the story short, everything didn't turn out the way I thought it would be after two months of unofficial "dating". Of course I was hurt emotionally. Though, one thing that hurts me the most is that I felt that my life was tainted in regards to being pure singleness. I say it because I never had a girlfriend in my whole because I believe that there is someone for me out there that God has made for me and I in her. Also, I never messed around in regards tos serious relationships, however, I admit that I have gone to a few "dates" or I'd like to call it "hang outs" with her. Granted that if I wanted to be in a relationship would not be a difficult to do but I won't settle for that...I want the person that God has prepared for me. However long do I have to wait, I'd do it as I have been. I praise God for the gift of patience because it gives me more time to be molded and to spend time with my family. I often say to myself, "how can I share my life and love her to the fullest if I don't have a better relationship with my parents and to my siblings, lest, to say to God first?" I must build up that relationship first...it's a prerequisite. Since it wasn't formalize the attempt of courtship, I guess I can still say that I am pure in everything in regards to gf/bf realm.
Then, about a month after being broken hearted and all that stuff, my family's house went to foreclosure. The economy was downhill from the getgo as mortgage companies began to lose grip as if it was a domino game. Unfortunately, our house was one of the victim of countless of foreclosures. The thing that hurts me the most is that it was my family's first ever house here in America. The countless of sweat, blood and sacrifices that my parents had put into came to nothing. It sucks and I am helpless. The value of the house is much lower than it was originally bought. Then dad was laid off and mounting bills continue to rise to the point it was beyond repair. Mom can't provide the whole entire bills and I can't for sure since I didn't have the income to rescue the house. Dad and mom decided to let it go. Mom moves to Houston where my other brother lives while dad continue work in the state of Wisconsin. I was forced to find my own place and was able to settle in one bedroom apartment. It was very hard to let go but sometimes you just have to. Yes, the place will forever be miss but greater things will come.
On top of what was mentioned above, I was pissed off towards the community I served on. Half of my life was and is being molded in the community of Couples for Christ especially in the YFC and SFC. Due to the unreconciled differences that affected many members to either leave, choose sides, and trying to be mediator was no use of mine. It affects me greatly because I believe this is the community that I am ought to serve. To have the division and chaos mixed really took a toll in my perspective in serving CFC community. I was inactive for the whole entire year or two. A few of us tried to rejuvenate the community particulary the SFC but to no avail. I went to a different direction hoping to be active in my parish but that too never really happened. I was mad, upset, and discontent of everything that had happen not knowing what the outcome will be. Fortunately, I remained calm and kept my communication open to the community with the help of my fellow members/circle of friends. It allows me to attend mass almost daily and pray the rosary daily.
Then, my brothers' ongoing nasty divorce leaving four very young children in a broken family. As a guy who preaches and believes in family unity never would I thought that it would happen to my family. It proves me wrong and the devil won at that area (so he thought). It was very difficult for me to mediate the fact that I have no business at all to fix it except to provide moral support and constant prayer. I remember hearing a priest saying during homily that "being a mediator is not the easiest thing to do." Well, WORD! I feel like the whole world just fell on me hard that I was flatten to the ground wondering why am I still breathing. I just thought problems after problems just kept coming and I have no way out of it no matter where I go. I cannot see the light in the end of the tunnel...it was pitch black.
Not done yet...I am sure the devil was enjoying it. I was depressed and fat! With my own mounting bills not knowing how to pay for it just pushed me to the ground even more. With monthly car payments, a student loan, credit card bills that had at least 30% interest fee on each due to several late payments and not having a secure job aka my career job seems it was the end of my life. At times, I would say to myself that someone just drill a hole in my head because I cannot take it of it all. To sum it up...I wanted to commit suicide! I was inches away that I would just either hang myself or stab myself. I just thought it would end all of my problems. Yes, it was tough going through trials and at times to the most extreme and seemingly impossible to overcome.
I must admit that 2008 was one of the darkest moment in my life. Almost all of my new year's resolution of 2008 were dead and unfulfilled leaving empty promises. However, in spite of all the cobble stone of pressures in life, depression, uncertainty, giving up and confusion of the events were somehow a blessing. I say it because I am a much better person had I not gone through trials even if seems impossible to be still. I know better now and I also know that God has a plan; a much greater plans beyond comprehensible. God is full of mystery and nothing can outweight and understand His ways. He is God and He remain one true God the Lord of all the heaven's and earth!
hello 2009...
So, as I begin to reveal what blessings and events had I experience so far in this year of 2009 and what is yet to come is just uncontainable to think of it. God in His majesty and truth will never miss a deadline to what He promised to His people who believes in Him. Before I can elaborate on the events, I want to share one thing what the priest had said in the beginning of this year when I attended a mass in St. Therese shrine. The priest said to "be not afraid". I don't know what it was but I remember vividly hearing it and somehow changes my perspective in life. I made a decision to live freely and happy in spite of what may come in life. Great Pope John Paul II in his own very first word when he became the Pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church in 1978 challenged every humanity to "be not afraid." Jesus Himself said to "be not afraid." I must ask, what am I afraid of? What's holding me? Nothing! Fr. John Corapi seals the deal of this year's event when he said that "if love is great, beautiful and wonderful, why not share it? love is a very personal special gift from God Himself". So, be not afraid to go out and share the love to your family, friends, strangers, and the person you are praying for, to yourself, to the world and especially to God Himself. These are my challenges and duties that I need to do.
Beginning of this year, I made a promise that I will only have three major new year's resolutions. One of the resolution is to be fully active in SFC again while the other is to start venturing my career path as a police officer one day. Then, I decided to do novenas for a specific reason of my third resolution. At first, it was supposed to be just five different novenas but after finishing the fifth novena, I was enthralled to add four more to complete an 81 days. Why 81? I thought of 9x9 since there are 9 days per novena prayer. I had 9 different novena so it'd make sense. So, I ended up doing nine straight novenas. After finishing the ninth different novenas, I felt I should just do novena everyday for the sake of lost souls in this world and the conversion needed as Mother Mary had begged us to do. Well, as long as I live I will continue to do novenas everyday aside from praying the rosary.
So far...
January: I started my novenas as mentioned above with St. Joseph in the lead because I wanted to be like him as a future husband/father someday. I won't elaborate but God affirmed my line up. It was followed by St. Francis of Assisi, St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Jude and the Holy Spirit. Then, I got a bouquet of roses in which I won't elaborate much either. Since last year, I would come in front of St. Therese giant carve wood with some of her relics sealed in a small glass container asking her to send me flowers. Lo, and behold, she did =). One thing I can say is that it is the same flowers (17 total) that it is still in the vase with the textures and colors intact as I am typing right now. Miracle? Maybe, but I do know that it made me smile whenever I look at it. I never really shared it to anybody. So, never hesitate to come to St. Therese. Not bad to really start the year =). Oh, how can I forget, drove my mom to houston for 19hrs without sleeping...yeah gotta love our mom. Also, I was tapped to be one of the household heads in the SFC here in my area. Marched for the Pro-Life event for the first time! (not sure what month that was but it was very cold indeed).
February: My work schedule changed. From midnight shift to afternoon shift which a lot better. I don't know how I manage to work midnight shifts for 8 months but I did it somehow. I like my work schedule now except I still have to work on weekends which kinda stinks at times. All good though cos God hook me up whenever I needed a weekend off or switch shift. Then, I was able to visit my cousin in Orange County, CA for the very first time. I was there for a total of four days. The weather was beautiful and the sun was out the entire time I was there...it was just perfect. I was able to meet new SFC members and friends and being reunited with good old YFC/SFC friends. Had a great time with my cousin, went to mass almost everyday and into the Cathedral, travel all over LA and eat wherever, lunch and dinner with few of the two of my most inspiring and important ladies in my life that I had served with...it's priceless all together!
March: Spending time with family of course...went to Holy Hill Church a few times. Back in service to my beloved SFC. Was tap to lead the Christian Life Program for the SFC. The crazy thing is that God cleared all my four consecutive friday to retained my service in leading the CLP. It was humbling of course but it was a challenge too while it taught me to be patience and self-control. My counterpart was another inspiring and a very dearest friend Yvette plus Charlene haha. Great job guys.
April: Tending the SFC CLP throughout the month. I love my household members. I have gained lots of respect for and of them. I am humbled by them and as responsible leader for them. It's weird because we all feel like we have known each other since childhood because we're very comfortable with our company and we get along very easily. I really praise God for that. Also, reunited to my old mission team from Minnesota, though, it was a bittersweet get together since one of the sister had passed away due to cancer illness. We all believe she is in a better place now in Heaven. Nonetheless, it was a great time to be with each other. Also, my brother graduated finally for nursing. Soo proud of him. Nothing is too late.
May: I was asked to serve in the YFC pre-conference. It was truly amazing to be back and serve with the people you try to lead when they were younger. It's a great witness how much to see the fruit of its labor. Some of these youth have grown so much and are now taking the lead to the next generationl. Then, more time with family and I feel that my relationship with my family are getting better and better and we are all getting along and getting closer and closer. I guess that's what happen when you are living in your own self. It's just a great feeling to have my whole entire family gathered in one place once or twice a year...such a perfect moment indeed.
June: Started training for my venture in becoming a police officer. I told myself that I will get there whenever and however...I will get there. Be part of one of the finest officer. Will be taking my test next week and I'm gonna give it my all. If I make it great, if not, at least I tried. One thing for sure is that this is not a one time thing but it's the beginning of this great journey in becoming a police officer. More testing coming up and applications are in line...training in every way is taking a heavy toll on me but no pain no gain. Fr. John Corapi once said, "if you can't get to the battlefield, how are you going to fight?" WORD! That is why training is essential in every way. Mother Teresa once said, "it's not how successful you should become instead as long as you just keep on trying". WORD too!! haha. Also, I can enthusiastically and proudly say that Edelissa and Alane had graduated. Super proud of them and I am happy to witness it. I love them very dearly. So far, that's what's happening in my life.
To recap (yes guys, I do recap just for this exception hahaha): In spite of what I had gone through in life, there is a light in the end of the tunnel. God has been great to me and I cannot deny the fact that I am blessed and that He is fully alive and present. I am humbled by His availability through the presence in the Holy Eucharist wether be in mass or in adoration waiting to open my door as He knocks. He is great indeed and good. Of all the things that I have gone through, I have become more mature in my faith and as a person. Yes, I will make many mistakes and shortcomings but I have gained wisdom to determine what's right and what's wrong. I learned how to take chances and risks in life, responsible and fully independent person and yet dependent in Christ. Life is too short as I say often but I dare to choose life regardless.
As I end this blog, I want to clarify the outcome of my downtime in life of last year. The "girl" and I ended the fiasco in a good note. Eight months since we part ways, we are able to iron everything out. I was honest to her and she apologized. To me, it was a conclusion on that part of my life. Yes, my bar is set even higher and nothing would I settle for less. In regards to the house, it's officially foreclosed and we barely visit to our old house. We get emotional sometimes when we drove by but we are in a better thriving to betterness now. With my service in Singles for Christ, I could never be happier. It's like a great drama that the ending ends up in a good note. The bad guys are dead and the good ones lives one OR the good ones died in exchange for the freedom and prosperify of all. Lots of emotion/passion/fear/confusion/anger but in the end of the day, it came out just okay. Fully serving and will continue to do so til God directs me somewhere. My brother's situation is in a much better ballfield now. My brother and his ex-wife are in good terms and that they shared the utmost care for their kids needs and affections. Both got remarried not with each other and remained family friends. With the chaos and darkness that lurks in my life last year, I am grateful that I never pursue what I tried to contemplate in taking my life down. I am forever grateful and that I realized I have a purpose in this world. I was saved not of me but by the GRACE of God. God is really great and forever good! Sorry for the long blog but I sure hope that you choose Christ.
Still to come...a wedding of my two beloved and an old school best friends...my circle of friends in August. A trip to Denver, Colorado a week later. Then, September comes will be in Maryland for the SFC Conference...that I am excited too. Lastly, at the end of this year, a trip to the Philippines for our 10th year high school reunion. I'll be traveling alone and that I am excited the most. I have no clue where am I going to find the money but I know God will provide and make the way. Then next year's summer will be a wedding to my brother in Cebu, Philippines. I know that God has greater plans for me and many things are yet to be revealed but whatever it is...I want to live one day at a time yearning for simplicity in my life. God bless you!
"Be not afraid" - Pope John Paul II
| | | Posted 6/18/2009 4:46 AM - 12 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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